The Filipino in Me - Insights into Living Heritage
Entry by Mila Bongco Philipzig. Edmonton, Alberta
Artist's Statement
In the Alberta Lit Fest, I was one of the panelist and readers, and I read my poem "How to Leave Your Child" to show and raise awareness on lives of overseas workers from the Philippines.
How to Leave Your Child
You try to ignore this for a long time.
While lining up, lining up, lining up
For all sorts of papers demanded of you
While submitting yet another form, paying yet another fee.
You brush it off
In cursing the traffic while rushing from appointment to appointment
Sweating through the heat, enduring fatigue and hunger pangs.
You try not to think, but you know.
You know very well that soon
You will leave your child.
You prepare and harden your heart.
Wrap your heart with resolve and determination.
Put up shields against doubts.
Seal off any hesitation.
Squash fear.
Lock your heart with sense of duty and loyalty to family.
Believe that separation will bring salvation.
In secret, pack your luggage.
Every shirt you fold, every towel you roll, each item you sneak into your bag
Is a turning away.
A turning away
From your home, from your children, from a life that will never be the same.
Pack quietly but quickly.
Before you start thinking
Before you start crying.
Tears are messy. Avoid tears.
Then, plan well
How to tell your child
Practice your smile
Find the perfect tone
Choose the words carefully
To say
You are going away.
Do not look into their eyes for
You might cry.
They might cry.
Remember, tears are messy. Avoid tears.
You need to create a distraction
Buy a new toy, or what about a new TV?
Probably best to throw a party
Cover the deception with merriment and gaiety
Use up your last money for a big celebration
For the grand announcement
You've made it, you're going away
To join thousands of others forced to migrate to work
You've made it
This is success.
To your guileless child
You will say
Anak, it's all for good
It's going to be worth it
I will be back soon
As often as I can.
Rehearse, so you don't falter.
Anak, I do this for love.
To be somewhere else is the best way
To show my love.
It'll be all right.
I will be back soon.
Say it again and again
Practice the smile
The perfect tone
Hold back the tears
Unclench your fists
Anak
I love you but I have to go
I'll be back soon.
It's the best thing right now.
Repeat
Practice
Anak, I do this for love.
It'll be all right.
Say it again and again
Until you sound convincing.
Until you start believing it yourself.
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